it's been 9 months since you passed away it's been 9 months since you passed away

I dont know many widows that are my age, Im 60. every day is a challenger i hate waking up in the morning, I do try to go out and see friends but it really doesnt help, Im not sure how much longer I can continue like this, it has to get a little better I can only hope. But Istill had hope. Now without her? amen to all. I feel I have no strength and he would want me to be strong. He had pancreatic cancer, and had 9 months to live after his diagnosis. I still feel completely ruined. This is normal feelings. Dont understand it ? The longer its been since weve seen them or heard their voice. Im working towards my PhD in Holistic health & nutrition, I run every day to keep depression at bay, practice yoga, lift weights, take walks, & I appreciate & thank God for good memories we had shared & the little beautiful moments I may experience each day, like a colorful sunset from my window or a whistling bird outside. This is a terrifying thought for the newly bereaved, to think that its not going to be a steady climb upwards in grieving and healing, and I dont share this to scare those who are in their very early days. I lost my wife September 8th 2017 our anniversary was to be 23 September. ========================. All the years of Surgery,radiation and Chemo. Such as giving a lot of her things away, doing things I enjoy and now because I have decided to move to Washington, which I currently live in Ft Worth Texas. I always wonder if this normal. It was supposed to be just an ordinary weekend, and the day before he was feeling great, and the next evening I am driving him to ED. Now no one mentions my husbandonly me I want to say his name and share our memories.but other peoples lives carry on.and I am left with mine blown apart. What if lose him too? This has to get better and I know in No wife or kids. The medical examiner assumes this caused an arrhythmia which in turn caused him to pass out. Over the next few months I was in the hospital myself six times (not COVID related, though.) "Time flies, whether you're wasting it or not.". Is it because the 1 year anniversary brings back intense pain & memories? There's no "normal" path or timeline. The 3rd year of losing my 47yo sister to Cancer as well. Donna, Im same as you . Calvin, Im numb with grief I cant get to church or the cemetery Im constantly in tears and my anxiety is through the roof. I gave up everything of my old life when I came home and I dont regret a minute of it but now I feel so lost. Email him on: lordzakuza7 @ gmail. though I am on a constant roller coaster ride. Its becoming real and it sucks. I have no children, and I cant imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. My family is great but they are grieving also. Hearing your story makes me not feel alone. To those who are grieving too, Im sorry for your loss. I am 54 now. Nothing like my kind caring husband. Im sure that I am ready to date and I am grateful my friend is so patient. I feel like I want to lay in bed all day and would be perfectly content doing just that. This will never end, will it? Dont compare yourself with those whom you know have had a loss. So I hope and pray you find comfort and some measurable amount of peace. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut, or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. Im tired of my sister telling me to pull myself up by my bootstraps, and get back to living. It changes. . My life feels now like I am walking on a tightrope carrying a boulder in my arms. We were together for 27yrs married 19 yrs. What happened to me ( Im 16 months in) was I have not had a nights sleep for weeks ,looking after my partner. I miss him so much. I am still hoping beyond hope and beyond reality, that Jill will magically be real again, here, in the whole, in my arms, and next to me in bed at night and in the morning. Well all be reunited with our loved ones one day. I dont think we were lucky I lost my wife a year ago. Or how about my whole immediate family thats destroyed. No bots, proxies, or datacenters and of course my rat terrier Polly. Which was lovely and took the pressure of me. If DATEDIF produces a result in an unexpected format, ensure that no pre-existing format has been applied to the cell. I feel like Im back at stage 1. The shock and numbness in the first year was dreadful, but it did protect me from the sharpness of the pain I now feel. First, there is great resource here and elsewhere on the internet and in communities. It has been two and half years for me and it is not getting better some days I think it is getting worse. I feel like Im struggling with no sense of purpose and going no where. I did see a counselor. . I still have Sophie, another king charles. I have had it with the insensitivity of some friends one in particular This is my 2nd Christmas without my beloved husband of 30 yrs. I cry and curse yet, but I am not debilitated on the floor for an afternoon. Just into the 2nd year since the passing of my husband. I dont know exactly. Im not saying there is no life after death but I am saying that if there is, that is his journey. I really think it helps. Cant find any purpose for my life. I dont think I could find anyone that could be like him. He died 6/12/17 of sarcoma cancer. giver had to subdue all my feelings of pain. I feel like i literally have a hole in my chest and it makes me unable to breathe. I lost my son and then his father 150 days later. Itll be 2 years in August since my husband passed away and my life has changed forever.I long to join him but know I have to keep going one step at a time one breath at a time. A year without you is almost too much to bear.". He was sick for over ten years and he was the one who kept my spirits going. We dont fit into our regular lives anymore. I too have a friend that Ive known for over 40 years. I cant afford to say in house but can afford 1k a month either. Susan was the only person who ever truly understood me and love me unconditionally. The reason I say this is that he was 80 years old had a good life and I am not on my own as I have a wonderful husband and yet the tears still flow. My husband died 15 months ago as a result of a hiking accident. We loved each other so much, and we finally found each other after earlier years of misery from other relationships. My mom died of cancer in January 2017 so I am approaching the one year anniversary mark. I dont think Ill ever be ok again. I cant finish these details. Many loves lost as I mature. Lost my husband of 46 years Aug 2019. Ive hardened, refusing to be let hurt again. I just cant get my brain to accept the situation and get on with normal life. It left me very melancholy. Warning: If the Start_date is greater than the End_date, the result will be #NUM!. Its definitely tough every year and Im on year 4. For those 7 years since you passed away I've missed your voice, your hugs, your laugh and your face. He, too had lung cancer and kidney failure and his death was sudden. Dear Everyone who is suffering and grieving a lossI hear and feel your pain and suffering. I try to stay very busy . But I dont want it to not matter. The year anniversary of his passing will be Dec 5. We had plans to move to a Sr. 151.9K Likes, 1.5K Comments. I cry when no one is home. I believe this is true. Yes we exist- I endlessly question why? However, Ive lost my father, mother, cousin whom in my heart was my brother. Many days feel worse than year one. Each day.. I cant believe Ill never see her again or discuss personal issues, deep and meaningful comvos or lighthearted banterJust get through the day..It has helped reading your experiences. My husband of 29 years died 21 months ago after a three year illness he was only 55. Now someone has died on every major holiday. Was just trying to forget my past and start over again a fresh start but all that came down hill when I was in college and had a panic attacked in one class realizing that it was time for me to deal with the truth. Very first time I laid my eyes on my bf I was in love. Unfortunately I dont have a circle of friends and people I meet seem to think that Im fine as I wear that face which says Im getting on with things ok. But he makes me so happy he loves me he so generous so kind hes just everything I want. I cant remember last Thanksgiving or Christmas but I made it. I still find myself breaking down behind closed doors, and hate going through the motions of life pretending like everything is fine. I rember the first few days after mums passing I thought I could hear my mums foot steps walking with me, I thought I could see zmy mum in the streets to me she was still here. Even though some of our stories vary the seem to be the same. come to find out later it was a accidental overdose of Benzodiazapine. Greg, Your note is now so, long ago place here. I was absolutely devastated. A lot of us are going through the same exact thing you are going through. I met him when I was just 15 years old so I grew old with him. I keep telling myself it is my fault that I have no after work friends and I need to make attempts at meeting people BUT feels like I cant move. I feel guilty a lot because how I acted towards her through it, it just seemed like no end in site. But learning how to refocus away from the loss and on to small or meaningful distractions will create pockets of respite. For a while, all you can do is float. It was a privilege to have caught a cracking beautiful ladys eye. So, my big brother ended his life in May of 2019. he was a comic style artist and left me hundreds of incredible images and left me with the nagging sadness of wondering if I could have done something different to change his outcome. I was ok for awhile but all the sudden its hitting me like a brick wall. The pain was unbearable, especially going to his grave. Our world was turned upside down and inside out. He was 48 and we were married 27 years. I would like to contact to Emma J Andrews. Kids will find their lifes and live it. It has been 14 mths now and it doesnt get any easier, if anything harder as it becomes more real. heart. I believe this is what the Lord wants. Ive read so many sad comments, but also so many lovely ones. She had battled Ovarian Cancer for 8 years. The second wedding anniversary without a spouse. Its been two years as of June 2 that I lost my husband, soulmate and best friend. I will never be happy on his journey, I have to find my own. "The life of the dead is placed in the heart of the living" - Cicero. As we approach our 24th wedding anniversary on 9 Nov, I yearn more and more for her. God bless you all. We where married for 29 years. I identify with the fear of more & more time passing since he was here. Keep the cat 's routine the same. I want to stop feeling sadI am a practical person who understands all people die, the world keeps spinning. He battled the beast for 21 months and never complained. Christmas, Easter, my birthday, and now most recently we just suffered a loss five days ago, Thanksgiving, the last holiday not colored by the death of someone special to me. If you filed a paper return, you may not be able to check on the status until four . I totally understand. Then then 13m on, a huge ugly cry at new yeartook me to the next step of thinking i was ok. Days and feel so alone at times afraid to speak of my grief people telling me I should be fine. Remember the good times and know he would want you to live on and be happy. i could be just reading a magazine and something pops up she used to like. Thanks for your wirds, Ann I am integrating my old life with my new life. Perhaps because of expectation expecting to feel better and then feeling even more disappointed and sad when they didnt. Nellie, Im so sorry that we have to have these losses as a connection. I cry all the time, my co-workers dont even ask anymore because they know. Im in the 3rd yrs of losing my brother and its been so hard then four weeks ago my other brother died! I could come to him with anything, and he was always there for me. He kept reminding me I needed to keep drinking fluids. By 4 months old, your baby can remember that your face has disappeared when you play peek-a-boo, or that a ball has rolled out of sight. We have 4 daughters 24,21 and twin 15 year olds. Im trying to be in acceptance and have great support around me. Strange to think I am now living longer them. She was simply the best person I ever knew. My heart hurts. Whoever said it gets easier with time lied or they didnt havetrue love or their soulmate like I did.. My heart is forever broken. First created in 1917 when the U.S. was entering World War I, the debt ceiling has been raised by Congress (and occasionally the president, when authorized to do so by Congress) dozens of times since then. He was 13 years older than me but it never mattered until he got congestive heart failure. I miss his smile, laughter, companionship,voice, etc. Now Im on my second year this is August 2018. I do experience love and happiness. The sadness is overwhelming. My health has been severely affected with a flare up of an autoimmune disease which ironically and surprisingly has helped teach me to live more in the moment and not have too much anxiety about the future. The cancer was already in his liver when they found it, so all that could be done is chemo to give him a little more time. I now know I am normal again with just a different heart. very long visit duration So I felt guilty I hadnt managed it, though this was complicated by Covid restrictions & my disability & health conditions. Now, though, it is hitting me that he is never coming back. At night I look at the sky and make a wish on the brightest star I see, believing it is you. My heart goes out to you all. I dont really like the person I am at the moment, but am hopeful Ibwill feel more complete, When my husband was ill and I spent a lot of time stressed and worried, I told a friend that previously my life had been like a bracelet of pearls, but now the pearls were interspersed with pebbles, no more complete happiness. Interesting about the feathers too. Thank you for your message. Then, I felt nothing. Kim was DOA at the hospital and I couldnt face seeing the non living face of another sister. The way she was with our 4 babies 8-20 years old. Truth is, he would be angry if I didnt try, and try hard. (She just wasnt there no more. I'm in my 16 month. Similar to your situation I bottle all my emotions inside of me, deep deep down because I didnt know how to cope with his loss. Do not look for it, you already have it. Sometimes it just feels like a bad dream. My prayers are with all of us that are going through this horrible grieving with broken hearts. I wont do away with myself, but hope someday soon, it will be over. Been there done that wore his t shirt . WE PROVIDE HIGH-QUALITY VISITORS WITH: *DAYTIME AND EVENING GENERAL GRIEF GROUPS AVAILABLE EVERY WEEK* CLICK HERE TO JOIN US! Health officials have previously recommended that most people receive a booster shot of COVID-19 vaccine more than eight months after completing their original vaccine regimen. But, by the end of the year, I felt like I survived. My heart goes out to you. I keep saying to myself I should have and could have done more to help her. Blaming self for the death. I stayed in pjs all weekend and left my phone off. People told me after the first year it would get better. It was unexpected his passing we have been together since freshman year highschool have two LIVING boys 2 and 3 years old. I can't believe that it's been almost four months since my baby Beemo passed away. Thirty days later I lost my only sibling. I am ready to lie in bed until I am gone. I wish there was a bigger word than love that could describe how I felt for her. Hello, I lost my husband May 2015 suddenly and we have a small child who is now 5. I have asked God to please take me as soon as possible! Thank you to everyone who has posted. 17 months since I lost my beloved Father. All our plans for the future were dashed that cold rainy night in a hotel room. Lisa Zaleski, who lives in White Lake, Mich., confronted the unimaginable, first losing her daughter, Sydney, in June 2017 at the age of 23 in a car accident, then her son Robert in December 2019 . My brain is no longer frantic to fix it, as it was during the entirety of the first year. She was only 14 when her Dad died. Or maybe its because the more time passes, the longer weve had to live without that person. I love him so. He was 70 years old. The one who had a special smile only for you, who knew your heart and soul, who really cared, and then you are alone. Never to be the same, never to fit into normal again. I was in total shocked! He was 36yrs old. Every day I beat myself up thinking about what I should have and could have done to help her in her passing. I think of that all the time, when I feel like I cant go on. Im staying alive for my daughter but I miss him so much, I dont know how Im going to live the rest of my life without him.